“I’ve been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could’ve followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don’t quite know what to say But I’m here in your doorway
I just wanted you to know That this is me trying I just wanted you to know That this is me trying
They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad I have a lot of regrets about that” Song by: Jack Antonoff & Taylor Swift
Today’s Surprise songs at the Eras tour, included the mashup (I didn’t know I needed) of “This is Me Trying” and “Labyrinth.”
“This is me trying…” with what little left I have to try with.
“It only feels this raw right now Lost in the labyrinth of my mind Break up, break free, break through, break down You would break your back to make me break a smile You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that
Uh oh, I’m falling in love Oh no, I’m falling in love again Oh, I’m falling in love I thought the plane was going down How’d you turn it right around” Song by: Taylor Swift and Jack Antonoff
This video (premiered today) just makes me love Gracie even more. I feel like I wrote this song.
My favorite lines from this change every time I listen to the album. But here’s the favs today:
“you mean well but aim low And I’ll make it known like I’m getting paid”
“(You were the best but you were the worst) (As sick as it sounds, I loved you first) I wanna speak in code (I was a dick, it is what it is) (A habit to kick, the age-old curse) Hope that I don’t, won’t make it about me (I tend to laugh whenever I’m sad) (I stare at the crash, it actually works) I love you, I’m sorry” – Lyrics by Gracie Abrams & Aaron Dessner
“No, I know I’m a walking contradiction and it shows Got a history of being in control I’m aware that I could end up here alone
But then we spoke I had a backbone made of glass, and then it broke Now I stay up and I wait here by the phone if you’re ready, all I mean is we could go
I’ve never craved someone’s attention As much as yours, thought I should mention that
I bet all my money that I will Lose to you and hand you my life Here’s to hoping you’re worth all my time” Lyrics by Gracie Abrams & Aaron Dessner (Aaron, my king – I love you. Lol)
I love, love. I am forever and always a romantic. I write about love and relationships. While not all of the relationships I write about are romantic, they certainly play a huge role.
It’s tough out here for us lovers, sometimes though. I’m not the best at not feeling, not caring, or turning it off. Once I’m there, I’m there (i.e., once I have feelings for you, I’m . . . stuck 🤣). There’s something about Gracie Abrams’ lyrics that hit me in just the right way at the moment.
She sings (read this as one thought/line):
I’ve never craved someone’s attention As much as yours, thought I should mention that
I bet all my money that I will Lose to you and hand you my life Here’s to hoping you’re worth all my time
When you stand on the edge of interest or infatuation and you sense this thing is developing and your feelings for someone are growing, there’s a moment when you make a decision to jump in or take some steps back. I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about risk versus regret in recent times. A heart that is beaten and bruised reaches a point where it begins to question literally everything. Ev-er-y-thing. What once felt easy and part of the deepest part of you, something you used to love about yourself (i.e., loving and caring easily), transforms into something scary. I am not risk averse. Lately, I’ve been extremely risk averse. I feel trapped there in that place where I fear taking the risks.
But when you’ve lost too much, you question your decisions. You question who you’ve fallen in love with. You question who you chose to trust. You question it all. The problem with this, as I’ve come to accept in recent weeks, is that there are never guarantees in life, love, and relationships. In my heart of hearts I know that it’s possible to find your true companion. I (perhaps far too stubbornly) still believe in the possibility of a soul mate (or more than one in a lifetime). But it’s not easy to reconcile this after heartbreak and then unrelated grief that follows.
My therapist recently said (this is a massive paraphrase) that there may not be a clear timeline of comfort in knowing a person. When do you know – when do you know you’re seeing red flags or interpreting something innocent, through your own trauma and issues? When do you know a person is trustworthy? When do you open yourself to deeper levels of intimacy with someone?
You don’t. There’s no easy answer. There’s no magic formula. I think there are probably some signs. I think there are probably relationships and people we should avoid. But we could also be very wrong and miss out on something or someone that is “worth all my time.” I’ve been guarding my heart, time, and dreams jealously in recent memory. But it’s not really me.
Let it happen. I’ll let it happen. I’ll take the risk and let it happen. Because the alternative is simply unacceptable.
Miss Gracie Abrams, this album – I love it so much. I listened all day (until I could tune into Eras).
This is my favorite so far. But “Us” is a close second.
“‘Cause that’s just the way life goes I push my luck, it shows Thankful you don’t send someone to kill me I love you, I’m sorry” – Gracie Abrams, Audrey Hobert & Aaron Dessner
Were you jealous? Did the way he smiled at me make you wonder? Were you uncomfortable with how close I stood to him? Did your mind race? Did it matter that when I stopped talking to him, that the first thing I did was to search for you?
We move in perfect tandem. Have you noticed? Did you know it feels like home? I was just wondering.
When I walked away from him, did you explore my face and eyes for a sign that you’re the one? Does it matter that you are? I was just wondering. Did it matter that I explained? Did it matter that I didn’t want to explain – but did. I owe you nothing. Does that matter to you?
Have you asked yourself how we got here? Did you wonder why you were jealous? You were, weren’t you? Were you uncomfortable that I was with him and not you? I was just wondering.
Do you feel flattered? Will it matter? Will it matter to you that I go home alone? Does that matter to you? I was just wondering.
Each day turns – it’s the same thing over and over – I go on alone. I could solve this matter quickly and easily. I have the upper hand. But the ball will not be be in my court, until the moment you stand on my doorstep.
Do you know why? I was just wondering. Do you know how happy we will be? You feel it all of the time. I know you do. Do you know how happy our song will be? I was just wondering.
Writing in the Margins 