I can’t explain the pull – the way I’m drawn to you. I have tried to steer around this without success. There was a moment, feels like ages ago now, when you looked at me with so much feeling, fear instantly struck my heart. I was instantly caught in a current – pulled very quickly from the shore. I am not doing this again, I thought. I put my foot down. I succeeded for a time. But I’ve been back to square one for too long now. I don’t have the energy. The current is pulling me under.

This is an exercise in futility. I’m caught in a current that will only lead me to the worst possible outcome.

I am still swimming against the current.