Wait for Someone Who Loves You Differently

JmStorm, wait for someone who loves you differently, elaina avalos

I write fiction. All of it – every last bit of it – is about relationships, families, and romantic love. That can be a little annoying sometimes, to be honest. I love, love. My desire is to be in the event industry (again) and much of that is wedding-focused. I absolutely adore helping people plan their most important moments in life. When I helped open an event venue, my tours and long conversations with our potential brides & their families, were a joy. Truly. Embarrassingly, I am a fine connoisseur of Hallmark Christmas & romance movies & rom coms. I’m a nerd.

It’s just who I am. I can’t change it. I don’t want to. But like I said . . . also, annoying. The thing is, I keep the creative juices flowing with the music I listen to, the things I read, the movies I watch, etc. As a single person who has no clue if love & marriage are in her future (I’m certain I’ll have kids), it’s weird. It’s just weird. But it has given me a gift nonetheless. The gift is a certainty of what I want, a determination to wait for what’s right – not what’s easy, and a belief that it’s worth waiting for. I’m willing to wait for someone who loves me differently.

Wait for someone who
loves you differently.

JmStorm


I can live my life alone. What I can’t do is live my life with someone who is only marginally interested in investing fully in “us.” What I won’t do is chase a man – ain’t nobody got time for that. You’re in – or you’re out. If you can’t take a tiny risk by pursuing and opening the door, we’re not compatible. There’s a lot of passion in this 5’3 person. And while I would absolutely love to meet a man who balances that out with some calm steadiness, I also would hate life if he didn’t feel deeply enough, that he doesn’t know what he wants, thinks, or feels. I need a man in my life who knows what he wants and goes after it. That’s true in all things – to include how he pursues “us.”

I’ve climbed out on a limb, for a man, too many times. It’s just not something I can do anymore. If a man can’t be bothered to match effort to effort or make the first move, it’s just not gonna work. I’m so convinced of this, I’m willing to be alone. It’s not what I’d prefer, but it is what I know to be true. And it’s something I’d wait for. I know with total certainty that this can come across like I’m the princess that expects everything to be about her. That’s not at all what I’m saying. What I am saying is that it’s worth it. I’m worth it. We all are. I’ve watched friends marry because they don’t want to be alone. But then they are miserable because they chose what was easy – not what they truly wanted or deserved (that goes for males & females).

If you’re like me and you know what you want – don’t be afraid to wait for it or go after it. The wait may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

I Need a New Adventure

Elaina Avalos, Elaina M. Avalos, comfort zone

The days repeat, each day bearing resemblance to the one before. In the quiet of my evenings, as the day fades and I prepare for a new one, I think about what the months ahead will bring. I long for change. I wait, not so patiently (though I try), for what has eluded me so far. I hope against hope that on the other side, the life waiting there is what I’ve prayed for, for so long. I am ready for the next steps. I don’t know where they’re leading, but I know where I want them to lead.

“The comfort zone is nothing else but a graveyard for your dreams & ideas.” -Anonymous

I question, as I sit here alone, what I’m waiting for. I know what my heart is waiting for. But I know why my head wants to press forward. I turn 45 in a few months and as April gets closer each day, the pull I feel, to pack up and move on, gets stronger. This birthday feels significant to me – far more than so many others. I tell myself to wait just a little longer. I get to an end of another long weekend and waiting seems futile in this silence. Today, I feel defeated in the midst of all this waiting. But I wait a little longer still. I honestly don’t know anymore, what exactly it is that I’m waiting for. If there was a clear sense that I was called to something greater or that I was meant to be here, making a difference, perhaps it wouldn’t be quite so hard? Perhaps I could press on. But the truth is, the wait appears on the surface to hold no purpose.              

“You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.” -Brene Brown

In the wait, I only grow more certain that major change is needed. And more importantly, that I’m ready for it. I’ve never been able to turn down an adventure. The desire for new scenery, opportunities, people, and places isn’t new to me. It is what brought me across the country to Washington, D.C. in 2000 and then again in 2005. It’s what brought me to the desert of California and to the coast of North Carolina a few times. So here I am again. I need a new adventure. I don’t know how much longer before I get to start out on this new road, but I know it’s coming. I am ready.