Life with a Six Year Old Boy

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Yes, this is how I often feel in the mornings too, Buddy.

My foster son is so very smart. He’s also a six-year old boy. Which means he says and does gross things and he almost never stops moving. Luckily, I have a high tolerance for sometimes gross boy behavior (see working with a couple hundred Marines every day for 8 years). He also has a lot of fears and anxiety. He’s much too old for his six, going on seven, years. But I’ll just keep working on giving him a stable, safe home so he has space to be a kid.

Now that it’s just the two of us, we’ve had some great days doing normal kid/family stuff. He’s been riding his bike in the cul de sac, doing his chores, and learning what not to do with the dog (he took her bone from her and she nipped him), while also learning how to care for her. He was upset, but that’ll never happen again. She absolutely adores this kiddo. Abby the Wonder Dog has totally forsaken me (except when we go to bed). She even “tucks” him in at night when I do. She has to get right there, in between me and the bed. You think I kid. She really and truly loves him. They’re pretty adorable together.

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FS6 was riding his bike ahead of us. This was a BIG deal to him!

We went to Fort Macon last weekend. He literally could not contain his excitement and questions. He has a ridiculous amount of energy which is exhausting (haha) but we’re doing our best to keep up with each other. It has been much better since I have gotten rid of most of this bug that followed me all of March. Thankfully, I got a remicade infusion last week and my joints already feel better – which helps everything.

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Standing on top of Ft. Macon

It is the best feeling to see how excited he gets when I pick him at school or at childcare. It does my heart good. In recent days he’s:

  • Asked if he can have a dad.
  • Asked if we can have a baby come to live with us (and/or a little sister or brother)
  • Asked if he can change his name (that was today).
  • Asked if I can give him a nickname & referred to himself as his first name & my last name.
  • Has informed me that “flicking” boogers is not okay (Thanks, Bud. I wasn’t clear on that before.).
  • He’s obsessed with tobymac which has meant we’ve watched videos on YouTube and listen to him on Spotify nearly every time we get in the car. I so need a break. Haha.
  • He eats constantly. But he never stops moving (so there you go).
  • To quote his sister’s foster mom, “He’s a jolly one.” He sure is! His smile lights up a room.
  • My mom fixed his alarm clock. He said, “She knows magic.” LOL. And then at dinner he said, “I wish your mom lived next door so she could walk over here anytime.” I can’t even.

I’ve had some moments. Last night was one of them. I took him to Cub Scouts to try it out. I was overwhelmed. It’s hard sometimes to know what he’ll be able to handle and what he won’t get. There are just some things he’s never learned. It may be too soon for Cub Scouts. I’m not sure he’s ready  – and I’m not sure I’m ready.

But adding to the struggle was being around the family types. You know those two-parent household types. Haha. I so wished for him that he’d have a dad that will teach him what it means to be a godly man. I might’ve cried all the way home. Okay, I did. And now I’m crying again.

Today, his teacher walked him to my car in the pick up line to let me know he’d had a really great day. It has been a bit of a hard week. He was all smiles and told me that he stayed on green all day. She told me he’d had a great day and she just wanted me to know. I am so thankful he has such a caring & understanding teacher.

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We went to the beach today after school. He was the most excited I’ve ever seen him. I wish I could share the photos and videos. He was ecstatic. The first thing he said, “Oh, so that’s the ocean?” I think he’s been to the beach before. But he was fairly young. He had so much fun.

I love his little heart. I’m exhausted most of the time. But super thankful we are finding our way and that God has given me the gift of building into this little guy’s life. I don’t know where this path leads us. But for now, he’s home.

Run & Never Tire

This time I'm speeding with no direction.Without a reason. (1)

Dear Future Husband,

There’s a prayer I’m praying right now. It’s really the same thing over and over. I am praying for you. I’m praying we can somehow get past this wall that appears to be in front of us now.

I pray nothing will stand in our way.

I pray you’ll find me, see me, run and never tire. Desire is one of my favorite Ryan Adams songs. It has been for a handful of years. But somehow it’s a good one for right now.

Two hearts fading, like a flower.
And all this waiting, for the power.
For some answer, to this fire.
Sinking slowly.
The water as higher.
Desire

I am 100% convinced that amazing things are ahead for us and for our patchwork family. But floating around the edges of those days when my faith is strong, are so many moments when the fear is greater.

This weekend, as I miss you and worry I’ll keep right on missing you, the fear and faith have mixed. Equal amounts of both. One minute I’m certain. The next, I’m dreading a life without you in it.

I’m working on a novel. It’s a love story. It’s our love story. The one that hasn’t happened yet. This too, like my prayers for you – and for us, takes more faith than I have some moments.

But the man I know you are (and are becoming) makes the risk worth every moment of fear in the midst of all this waiting.

I’m going to keep praying big prayers, Baby.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us…” Ephesians 3:20

Dear Future Husband

blue crayon poem, a.r. asher, elaina avalos, love poem

Dear Future Husband,

I have this weird tendency to spill water or coffee down the front of me when I’m drinking. It’s usually at the worst possible time – like when I’m in a meeting, a formal event, or when I’m trying to appear cool. My Grandpa would have said I had a hole in my chin. He knew because he had one too. It’s usually just water. Unless I’m drinking red wine & wearing a white shirt.

I will often do ridiculous and klutzy things. It’s a gift. I outgrew some of the klutz. But not all of it. It comes out when I’m tired or highly distracted – like when a hot guy {you] is around.

I once went to a reception on Capitol Hill after the Trafficking in Persons Act {2000}, was passed. I was out of place and completely fascinated. I went by myself after being invited by International Justice Mission {I would later work for IJM for a bit}. I do many things by myself because . . . why not? Like go on a wine cruise {with a bunch of annoying couples} down the Trent River. Who does that? Me, apparently.I’d rather do them with you, though.

Speaking of things I’d rather do with you, I have a huge long list. I do things by myself because life is too short not to try things you want to try. But wouldn’t it be nice to hop in the car {together} on Friday after work and drive to Asheville because . . . why not?

You should also know that:

  • I snore
  • I get really impatient in traffic. If you could drive us around, especially on the 1st & 15th & when we need to be on Western Blvd, that’d be great.
  • I make up ridiculous nicknames for animals and kids {my dog probably has 10}. I’m sure I will have more than one for you.
  • I am very cheap. We will never buy expensive toilet paper, for instance. This is not a compromise I’m willing to make. Angel Soft is as expensive as I’ll go. Haha. Unless you want to get a second job or we win the lottery. But even then it’s iffy.
  • I am a tremendous fan of kissing.
  • I will never leave you. Unless Don Henley proposed to me. Then possibly. {I KID.}
  • I love jewelry but fail in most other girly things like make-up & doing my hair. If I could just look like me without dark eye circles I’d be cool with that. I hope you don’t need a super high maintenance chick who wears high heels, and does her hair & make-up before she goes anywhere. I will fail you miserably.
  • I sometimes jump up & down and yell during football games. I often pace around the room at the end of a game. I apologize in advance.

For a few years I’ve written “Dear Future Husband” status updates on Facebook. I find myself humorous. I say things like, “Dear Future Husband, When I’m sick, please make me a hot toddy.”

So I say a lot of silly things but here are a few other things you should know about life with me:

  • I have been praying for you, about you, and for our someday family for more years than I can count.
  • I will respect you – probably more than any person I’ve even known. No one will ever wonder or question my support for you and how much I believe in you.
  • I will be your biggest cheerleader and fiercest defender.
  • I really need you around. I can do anything I want to do. And I have done so much on my own. But gosh, I just need you around.
  • Your ability to make me {and others} laugh, will probably be one of my favorite things about you.
  • Your love for kids makes me love you more.
  • I will ask for your opinion because I want to hear it {also see bullet #2}. I will want & need your advice because I respect you and also, I like you.
  • I will call you out when you’re being a turd. I hope you will do the same for me because the likelihood of me being a turd at various points in our life together is high.
  • I will know you like I know myself. When you’re low, I will pull you up. When you’re high, I will rejoice in your wins, brag about you, and look at you with the same stars in my eyes I have now.

There’s plenty more where that comes from, but that’s what my heart needed to write tonight. Why? Because I miss you & wish you were here next to me. I’m not gonna lie, I’m tired of waiting. So let’s get on with the show, Baby.

Mama

foster care, adoption, love makes a family, elaina avalos

I don’t know about you, but for me, there are things I know I am meant to do and be. I am a mama.

I have spent a lifetime looking forward to motherhood and to the family I prayed for, for so long.

My future family & being a mama looks a little different from where I stand now. I never dreamed I’d be here.

I have been on a long path to be a foster and {or} adoptive parent for decades {about three of them}. But I never saw myself embarking on this journey as a single woman.

But here I am.

I started foster parent training last year. I had to put the stops on that but knew it was “temporary.” I’ve kick-started this thing again with a new foster parent agency. They’re a Christian agency & I feel at home there. My training will be complete in December. The remainder of the licensing process will continue on for several months after.

As I’ve jumped in again, I’m even more convinced today than I was a year ago that God has put the pieces of my life together in such a way that I was made for this.

Did I want to do this alone? No. Did I plan it this way? Oh heck no. But here I am. I am a mama. And there are little ones {and not so little ones} who are precious in His sight who need a mama. They desperately long for a home and to be loved and cared for as we all need.

So without all the answers and uncertain about how to juggle singleness and parenting, I’m jumping into the fire again. I’ve been thinking a great deal about the babies or children that will make this their home – for a time – or forever.

I don’t know their stories. But I know that God will take the brokenness that brings them to me and will give me the gift of breathing hope, healing, and love into their lives for a season or forever.

I still have moments of grief over what isn’t or what was lost long ago. But here I am. With four bedrooms, a huge backyard, and a passion for the lives of his most precious ones, I am opening my heart and home.

Waiting & God’s Will

Waiting, God's Will, Worship While Waiting

When I was young, I read a bunch of books by Emilie Barnes. Between her books, my desire to be a mom & adopt, my long standing love of all things homemaking, and entertaining, I was convinced I would be the best wife & mom . . . ever.

In one of Emilie’s books, The Spirit of Loveliness, she writes about how her home often became the center of action for her high-school age kids and their friends. Her son played football and her daughter was a cheerleader. She mentions preparing food with her kids and then feeding 50 football players and cheerleaders.

Her home became a gathering place because of the love, hospitality, openness, and joy her, her husband, and kids exhibited. I thought then {and prayed too} that this is what my house would become someday – full of love, noise, hospitality, and a bit of a revolving door as people came & went.

Waiting, God's Will, Waiting and God's Will

Fast forward to 2017. At 41, my life doesn’t look like that. I get to hang out with some young people. And sometimes I feed them. But, I don’t have kids or a family.  There is still so much of what I’ve prayed for, for so many decades, that remains a distant dream.

Whatever the circumstances might be, waiting when you don’t truly know what’s on the other end, isn’t easy. I wish I could say it was. There’s a tendency in the delays to despair. Or to believe that perhaps it’s just not meant to be.

Maybe it’s not. Maybe the life I always saw for myself won’t ever happen. But in all of the years of praying, I have continued to ask, and the desire is still there. I guess that means I’ll have to trust His timing.

There is purpose in your season of waiting. – Megan Smalley

Since I can’t see the future {that would be a useful skill, no?} and I don’t believe in psychics {eventually they’re gonna guess right}, trust is my only option. I’m not saying I’ve been getting it right all this time.

In fact, even this very week, I’ve struggled. But sometimes the struggle leads to our greatest lessons. And sometimes it means growing to trust God even more. The truth is, I want what is best for me and I want it His way.

So while I wait, I’ll keep looking forward to that vision of what I always wanted my life and family to look like.  In the meantime, I’ll keep writing, trusting, and praying for the hearts of the ones he’s drawing me toward.

Who loved me through my rebel way
Who chose to carry all my shame
Who breaths in me with endless life
The king of glory Jesus Christ

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on Yours

Stay & Wait By Joel Houston