Wait for Someone Who Loves You Differently

JmStorm, wait for someone who loves you differently, elaina avalos

I write fiction. All of it – every last bit of it – is about relationships, families, and romantic love. That can be a little annoying sometimes, to be honest. I love, love. My desire is to be in the event industry (again) and much of that is wedding-focused. I absolutely adore helping people plan their most important moments in life. When I helped open an event venue, my tours and long conversations with our potential brides & their families, were a joy. Truly. Embarrassingly, I am a fine connoisseur of Hallmark Christmas & romance movies & rom coms. I’m a nerd.

It’s just who I am. I can’t change it. I don’t want to. But like I said . . . also, annoying. The thing is, I keep the creative juices flowing with the music I listen to, the things I read, the movies I watch, etc. As a single person who has no clue if love & marriage are in her future (I’m certain I’ll have kids), it’s weird. It’s just weird. But it has given me a gift nonetheless. The gift is a certainty of what I want, a determination to wait for what’s right – not what’s easy, and a belief that it’s worth waiting for. I’m willing to wait for someone who loves me differently.

Wait for someone who
loves you differently.

JmStorm


I can live my life alone. What I can’t do is live my life with someone who is only marginally interested in investing fully in “us.” What I won’t do is chase a man – ain’t nobody got time for that. You’re in – or you’re out. If you can’t take a tiny risk by pursuing and opening the door, we’re not compatible. There’s a lot of passion in this 5’3 person. And while I would absolutely love to meet a man who balances that out with some calm steadiness, I also would hate life if he didn’t feel deeply enough, that he doesn’t know what he wants, thinks, or feels. I need a man in my life who knows what he wants and goes after it. That’s true in all things – to include how he pursues “us.”

I’ve climbed out on a limb, for a man, too many times. It’s just not something I can do anymore. If a man can’t be bothered to match effort to effort or make the first move, it’s just not gonna work. I’m so convinced of this, I’m willing to be alone. It’s not what I’d prefer, but it is what I know to be true. And it’s something I’d wait for. I know with total certainty that this can come across like I’m the princess that expects everything to be about her. That’s not at all what I’m saying. What I am saying is that it’s worth it. I’m worth it. We all are. I’ve watched friends marry because they don’t want to be alone. But then they are miserable because they chose what was easy – not what they truly wanted or deserved (that goes for males & females).

If you’re like me and you know what you want – don’t be afraid to wait for it or go after it. The wait may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Burn It All Down

There was a moment recently when I contemplated the type of relationship I want in my life, with the right one, and along with that, the type of relationship I deserve. The moment came about as I prepared myself for a little heartbreak. I’m sure some of you out there know what I mean. As you anticipate facing that someone may not feel the same way about you, that you feel for them – you may ask yourself a lot of questions. Did I miss something or misunderstand his attention? Is this the type of man I want to be with, anyway? Is this what I want – that I’m so confused about how he feels? I mean, I should know, not be confused. I deserve to know.

I go all in and love fully. I’m passionate and give everything I have to those I love and care for. I want that in return. I deserve that, no? I think as women we are sometimes willing to compromise or make excuses – accepting less than what we should. And certainly less than what we deserve.

Perhaps I shouldn’t say it’s just “women” who do this. But I can only speak for myself and certainly witness this in the lives of women I know and care about. I want the same kind of love that I give. I don’t want some halfhearted & flimsy love. I don’t want someone that’s not wildly passionate about me – in the same way I am about him. Life is too short to settle for someone’s lukewarm feelings about you, you know?

One of my favorite TV shows, at one time, was Scandal. There’s a line in the dialogue, that the main character, Olivia Pope – became kind of known for amongst true fans. There are people who thought her lines were kind of dumb or maybe even dysfunctional. In some ways, I understand the criticism. Here’s the bit of dialogue and then I’ll explain how I interpret what she says. By the way, if you haven’t seen it, she’s talking to the the man she’s dating – but their relationships is all sort of ho-hum. By the way, she’s already experienced what she really wants, in her relationship with Fitz.

Olivia Pope : Edison, I’m really sorry. I could marry you. I could be a Senator’s wife. I’d probably be happy. I could probably give all this up and live in a country house and have babies and be normal. I could. But I don’t want to. I’m not built for it. I don’t want normal and easy and simple. I want… I want…
Edison Davis : What? What? What do you want, Olivia?
Olivia Pope : I want painful – difficult – devastating – life-changing – extraordinary love. Don’t you want that, too?

Some view this “painful, difficult” thing as the antithesis of what love is “supposed” to be. It doesn’t fit the “happily ever after” model we’ve been sold our entire lives. But the truth is, what Olivia was getting at, was that she’d seen this wildly passionate, all-consuming, he won’t give up on me and pursues me at all costs, kind of love. And once she’d seen it, she couldn’t quite settle into this quiet, tame thing Edison offered her. I don’t think anyone watching the show would’ve seen Edison as a bad dude. In fact, he’s a likable character. But we’d already seen her love with Fitzgerald Grant and – I mean, there is no comparison between the two.

Edison may have been stable, but he was also just sort of blasé. Olivia & Fitz had a reoccurring fantasy about their post-Presidency life in Vermont where Olivia would make jam in their big house. It’s not that Olivia didn’t want this sort of country house and having babies, kind of life. She did want normal, ultimately. But she wanted a man who’d burn down the world to get that with her. Edison wasn’t it – even though he was a good dude.

So yeah, I want a man that would burn down the world to make me part of his life. Because I’m certainly ready to do that for him. I don’t know what your thing is and what it is that you’re looking for. But I do know that there comes a time that we as women need to stop making excuses or accepting the tepid attention of men who aren’t all in. I don’t want a man that’s not all in. I won’t accept it in my life, either.

Funny enough, the all-in way he pursues me (the way we pursue each other) is ultimately what I believe leads to the “peace” mentioned above. There’s no need to settle for table scraps. I’ve never been willing to accept second-best anything. And I’m not about to start now. I don’t think any of us should.

Five Ways to Show Her You Care

  1. Give her your time & attention. When you’re with her, be all there. Don’t pay more attention to your phone, a football or video game (or whatever), than her. This fits nearly all women’s desire to feel listened to and heard. But it becomes even more important for those of us who may have not been a priority, were cheated on at some point, or had trust broken in some other way. This is a hard one for me. And I know I’m not alone. It’s the worst feeling.
  2. Buy her chairs.” If you don’t know what that means, you need to watch one of my favorite movies of all time – Phenomenon. What is that one thing she “throws herself into?” How can you find a way to invest yourself – in some form or fashion – into something she’s passionate about?

Besides “Lacey’s chairs” which George bought so many of, he had an entire room of them stacked to the ceiling, there’s also a sweet secondary storyline where Forest Whitaker’s character falls for his housekeeper and learns Portuguese to talk to her. It’s very tender and sweet.

3. Send her random texts to let you know you’re thinking of her.

4. Bring up the things she’s told you about – things she likes, things you’ve discussed, etc. Demonstrate that you’re listening and paying attention. When you repeat the little things she’s shared, that show you really pay attention, it makes a lasting impact not only on her self-esteem, but in her confidence in you and helps her feel cared for.

5. Compliment her.

What else would you add to this quick list?