I wrote a novel. In June of 2017, my novel Chasing Hope was published. As I approach the four-year anniversary, I thought I would share a bit about the book. You can find it here in Kindle and print format. There is a preview available on Amazon. You can also sign up for my newsletter to read the first chapter for free! You can do that, by clicking here or here. You can also view what some of my readers have written about the book, here.
Here is the book blurb, from the back of the book:
Dr. Ava Cooper has it all. Scratch that – she had it all. The day she buried her daughter was the beginning of the end. With one fell swoop her ex-husband took what was left of the life they created together. All that is left is a demanding boxer, her worldly possessions, and the SUV she bought as a first year resident. With nothing left of the old life, Ava heads south to help out and old friend. In the small and quirky coastal town of Beaufort, North Carolina – a tiny hamlet situated on the Southern Outer Banks – Ava quickly learns that her plan to quietly fade into the background to find some semblance of normalcy is not on her new neighbor’s and staff’s agenda for her. As she settles into southern small-town living, she meets a family and a baby in the foster care system that threaten to break through her grief-stricken and heart. Will Ava be able to let hope in long enough to get back the life she desperately longs for?
This book holds a special place in my heart for a few reasons – mainly because it’s the first complete novel I’ve written. It’s also one that took me way too long to write. The process was daunting, to be honest. I let so many things distract me and get in the way (like my day job). Rather than be single-minded in my focus on accomplishing my dreams and using the gifts God has given me, I focused far too much on the job that paid the bills. There’s nothing wrong with that in and of itself. However, I didn’t put enough emphasis on my dreams or writing what I believe I’m meant to write. I let work take over my life. I mean, take over.
I worried too much about what people would think. I shied away from writing content on my blog (I had a different blog that had a larger audience and community at one time). Overall, I just let my writing wither away under the weight of what other people would think. That’s just dumb. In years past, I was part of multiple writer communities online. Many of the people I have known in these circles over the years have gotten literary agents, publishing deals, and are cranking out books with traditional publishing houses.
It’s not arrogant to say I think that I could be in their shoes too. The only difference is, I didn’t work for it. Phew, what a sucky realization that was when I first woke up to it. It was all my fault and all of my own choosing. But one day I came to terms with this and decided I wouldn’t let my life go unlived. I wouldn’t let the books go unwritten. And I certainly wouldn’t ignore the dreams I’ve long held in my heart.
Today isn’t Monday Motivation – but we’ll call it Tuesday Truths. The only thing standing in the way of you accomplishing your dreams and goals? It’s you. It’s me. We can make all the excuses we want. But at the end of the day, we are own worst enemy when it comes to going after what we want. I just refuse to live that way anymore. So whatever it is . . . go get it, friends.
It has been stirring for some time – this longing to be free of the constraints of my 9-5. It has grown in intensity since last spring. On days like today, my heart and mind is elsewhere. Free. I need to be free. I have come to the end of this road. And while I’m not sure what awaits me, I can’t go into my Monday-Friday dreading the day – anymore. I refuse.
This particular day – May 4th – is set in my mind and not discussed with anyone else – signified a change for me. It was the day I decided on as the one for making decisions and stepping out in faith. The first full day back to normal – after my week of birthday vacation days – isn’t going to be normal. Today is the start of a whole new way of doing things and stepping forward in faith.
Expectant hope & faith – hope & faith were my words for 2021 and I know that wasn’t by accident. I recently felt a pull toward looking to the future with more expectancy. That’s tough to do sometimes, no? It has been for me. And frustratingly, it seemed like every time I turned around, circumstances made it harder. But I think that’s probably what can also make what comes later, that much sweeter. The tough road to getting to your destination makes the destination more beautiful.
In the days when the Israelites were wandering about for years on end & even after, they’d mark a particular place with stones of remembrance or an altar and name the place something fitting with what God had done. The place came to symbolize something God had done or was doing. It was meant to be a reminder to them and future generations. Today is one of those days for me. I’m marking this place – knowing because of this expectant hope – that great things are ahead.
In April 2026, I will turn 50. This year feels like a big birthday, as I turn 45. But gosh, there’s a lot I’ve still got to do before hitting 45 and six weeks won’t do it. So, after a friend posted about her 40 before 40 (that she’s now added a few more items onto for 50 before 50), I’ve decided that I’m going to join in the fun. I am not sure how long it will take me to come up with the full list. Some of this might be ridiculous stuff, big stuff, or things that only matter to me, but I’m starting to work on this list now. I may keep some private. But, I’ll share periodic updates. What would you add to my list? Have you ever done something like this for a milestone birthday? I’d love to hear all about it!
1. Start camping again. 2. Travel to France or Scotland for my 50th birthday (I mean, I’ll take sooner too). 3. Trip to the NC mountains in the autumn. 4. Trip to upstate New York to meet family & see where my grandparents grew up & my mom lived. 5. Fall in love. 6. Start a family. I hear I’m kind of late on this one. Whatever. 7. Get a book contract. 8. Learn Spanish. Like really learn Spanish. 9. Take a dance class (salsa, ballroom, etc). 10. Go to the Pat Conroy Literary Festival in Beaufort, SC. 11. Attend one of the wine dinners at the Beaufort (NC) Wine & Food Festival. 12. Take at least one random (can be a quick day-trip) road trip every few months. 13. Eat at Chef & the Farmer again. 14. Take a few of Chef Marcela’s cooking classes. 15. Western NC Winery Trip (preferably soon). 30 April-01 May 2021 16. Get back to Wolf Trap for a summer concert. 17. Convert website to business plan & learn (really learn) SEO. 18. Make good use of my ridiculous Pinterest time investment. 19. Get a little better with time management (don’t laugh). 20. Finally make a decision about what I want to be when I grow up. 21. Live in a pretty little home with my dream backyard & grow lots of veggies, herbs, and fruit. 22. Hit my target weight (and stay there). I’m on my way having lost 18 pounds so far. 23. Dedicate more time to painting & crafty mccrafterson activities. 24. Cook my way through Deep Run Roots by Chef Vivian Howard (see #13 – that’s her restaurant). 25. Cook my way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I own both books but haven’t cooked enough in either. 26. Get a tattoo. 27. Go skydiving. 28. Get a wedding planning & event planning certificate. 29. Go to Indochine (Thai/Vietnamese restaurant in Wilmington, NC). 30. Visit Ocracoke Island & go shelling.
Okay, I think I have to take a break there. I am sure I have more things to add to my list!
Here’s what I’m listening to this week. In many ways, this has been a hard week. But it’s also a good week. It was one I needed to make more changes and push me further in the right direction. There’s a whole wide world out there, friends. And there’s a lot left for me to do in it. So music this week is a random mix. I’ve been listening to the playlist for my novel, A Thousand Years, which I’m editing, as well as some playlists that are older favorites.
Another Spotify playlist that’s on repeat is, Road Songs. These songs were inspired from many a road trip. That’s just something I don’t do (road trip) anymore and need to. This is a crazy mix of country (like classics from George Strait – like Carrying Your Love With Me), classic rock, instrumentals from the amazing guitarist Phil Keaggy, and a personal favorite – Fernando Ortega.
Another favorite, Sunday Nights if You Were Here:
What are you listening to these days? What’s inspiring you or keeping you motivated?
The cat is out of the bag. I don’t need to hide it anymore. My employer knows that later this summer, I will begin moving on to the next phase of my life. While I actually wanted to do it sooner, I let some things get in the way and then it seemed to be too challenging to find what I wanted. As such, my plan is to aim for summer with the expectation that the economy will continue to get better and opportunities in the field I’d like to move into, expand. I’m dreaming about what comes next.
But whatever happens, I think I finally feel the freedom and the ability to dream again. I am ready to hope again – about what might be possible in the future. After a couple of painful years, I had to get to know myself again. And while the delay has frustrated me – to the point I have been just freaking angry at God, I think I get it all now. Or at least part of it.
Last summer, I started working toward some things and then let those fizzle. But as I prepare for my 45th birthday, I know what I want. I know the type of life I want, the dream I have, the career I’d like, and yes, even the type of relationship I want. I know what I want. It’s not just that I want these things, I think they’re part of what I should be doing with life now. Not pursuing those things I’m meant to, just isn’t going to work for me any longer.
The thing is, I’ve got things to do and a lot life to live. This afternoon, as I think about what lies ahead, as I enter my 45th year, I’m thankful I’m ready to dream again. I’m thankful I can hope again. And I know that what’s meant to be mine, will be mine.