Come Bother Me, Baby

I have a weird love/hate relationship with this movie. There are things I love about it – just as I liked things about the book. But there’s weirdness in it too. For the most part, I think it’s the lead actress’ take on the character that I don’t care for. There are some good lines in the book/movie. I love that Travis sees through Gabby and continues to pursue her in spite of the messiness. She’s with someone else. She’s a little (or a lot) closed off. He’s kind of a pain and doesn’t take life too seriously – which annoys her. He’s exceptionally patient with her resistance. But not in a creepy way. Haha. I think he just sees her as she is and chooses to wade through the murky waters until she fully trusts him and his love.

In one of the most famous lines as he proposes, he says, “Come bother me baby, bother me for the rest of my life…” On a super commercialized holiday where people are spending gobs of money on out-of-season roses (as one example) to be FLOWN here from Colombia or elsewhere, I vote we change things up a bit.

I think we should do something different over the next year. Don’t worry about what the commercialized version of this holiday tells you is right. Just choose to love well. Choose to love when his (or her) defenses are up. Flirt in the kitchen. Leave her (or him) a note on March 1st, or June 20th, or February 12th where it will be seen first thing. Bring her a bottle of wine on a regular old Tuesday that doesn’t have anything to do with a freaking made up holiday.

Have a wildly inappropriate conversation at a wildly inappropriate time, for the sheer fun of making them laugh, or smile. Tell him on a Wednesday (that has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day) that you adore the shit out of him, can’t get enough of him, and can’t imagine your life without him. Pack up the car on a Friday, drive five hours to the beach or the mountains (or whatever) and spend a few days away, in the middle of April, reacquainting yourselves with each other – holding back the demands of jobs and whatever else distracts you.

It doesn’t have to be one day. It shouldn’t be one day. I want to know every day I possibly can, that my love – loves me and will just keep choosing me, flirting with me, and pursuing me. I want to be bothered and to feel thought of. For real – come bother me, baby. I mean, don’t just think that it’s only one day out of the year that your love wants to have your attention. I promise it’s not.

Lest this appears to be some kind of insinuation that this is a one-way street where the man shoulders most of the work, it absolutely is not. Why do I not see more women posting about what lengths they’ve gone to, to celebrate their “Valentine” on this day? Why is it that it seems like so much of the showering with gifts and attention is one-sided? It shouldn’t be that way.

So – here’s what I suggest, make a concerted effort to show your partner a little of that love and affection and random notes and gifts and cards, throughout the year. Don’t get caught up on *the* day of February 14th – a day literally created to make money. I promise you, it will be worth your time and effort. Starting tomorrow, spread it out and don’t get so hung up on making one day fit the mold.

P.S. Read this if you want a suggestion for what to buy next Valentine’s Day that doesn’t encourage overuse of pesticides and increase carbon emissions (360,000 metric tons of CO2 to fly those bad boys here).

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