I’m at a Crossroads

The rental market is challenging these days. I was faced with a recent ultimatum – pay $400 more in rent than my noisy, moldy (yes) apartment is worth, for month to month – since I don’t know where I want to be. Or, sign a year lease for around the same as what I was paying before. But if I did that, I’d be locked into a year lease in a place that I hate – that also isn’t being cared for by management – as it should.

I applied to live in a housing development that I was told there was minimal wait for. I contemplated my options, knew $200 more was way too much – so I made a judgment call that I thought was best – give notice on the apartment & move into this neighborhood with no wait. Bonuses to the other neighborhood included utilities included, no lawn upkeep, and easy commute.

The rental market in my area is awful. It has been since a hurricane in the fall of 2018. But with the real estate market being what it is, it’s even worse. More people here, are putting their homes on the market than ever before (at least in my memory). Rental prices have gone up, too. Competition for rentals is like it was after the hurricane blew through.

But here I am. Weeks away from moving and I am actually extremely low on the waiting list (which they don’t tell you until you apply). I’m so low it could be a year or more. Apparently, the advice given by a member of their staff was incorrect. So what do I do now? I saw a house today (I saw several), but I’m not sure it’s the one. Even though it was just listed, the management company has already said if I don’t apply today, I shouldn’t fill out the application without talking to them because it will likely be rented already.

This is quite the mess for me. And while this sounds like it’s just about housing, it’s not. It’s also about my faith. My faith has been so severely tested in the last few years. At every turn I’ve felt I’ve made good decisions that have led me to some situations that have caused extreme stress – at best. But I thought I was making very sound decisions – weighing things carefully and jumping in – under what I believed were correct motives – only to be utterly crushed. Or in the case of my home life – constant noise and drama (and calling cops and CPS on neighbors and living with mold that doesn’t get fixed properly) at home. Who wants to be stressed at work and then come home for more? I certainly don’t.

So here I am. A couple weeks shy of moving and I have no idea where I’m going. That’s certainly a problem. But maybe harder for me – am I ever going to find confidence in my decision making abilities again? As someone who has a faith that I believe should guide me and I pray and feel that I have been given wisdom to make a decision based on advice given to me about housing available to me, then it puts me in a terrible position, seems like something is off somewhere.

The truth is, I don’t want to stay in this area. But all attempts at applying for work out of the area have failed miserably. No matter what, I feel like I’m placed in positions where I’m forced to choose between options I don’t like. And then when I feel like I have more clarity, to make some decision, I end up worse off than before. What the hell is that about?

I’ve felt at such a crossroads for so long. I know what I want and hope for and yet it seems so far out of reach. I’m at a crossroads. But I’ve been here before. And my options stink. Because I can’t seem to get where I want to go.

How does one decide what to do in a situation like this? I’ll tell you what I know for sure, I long for change and the hopes and dreams fulfilled that come with moving on. But here I am. Stuck between equally crappy options that appear so far from what I hoped would be happening right now.

What would you do?

2 thoughts on “I’m at a Crossroads

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