I’ve Never Been More Homesick Than Now

“I’ve never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don’t understand your ways…”

Homesick by MercyMe
Photo by U.S. Central Command Public Affairs

This has been a rough few weeks in my world – for people I care about and for me as I struggle to wrap my brain around this world we live in. This has become a sunset at North Topsail Beach, kind of Saturday evening. I desperately need it.

As the world situation has grown worse and as those who would torture women, girls, Christians, and anyone else that lives & fights for freedom – have begun to run rampant again, it hurts. It’s painful in a way that’s hard to explain. For those in my world who have known firsthand what it was like there, for those who died there or left parts of their youth and peace of mind there, to the incredible man that died there – that changed the course of my life in many ways, to the families who lived through constant deployments and worry and stress – I hurt for them – for us. I know it wasn’t in vain. But it feels like it was sometimes. And now, the worst pain imaginable has come to the doorstep of 13 more families. The worst part, although there are numerous awful things about this moment in history, is that they were there on a humanitarian mission. They stood at the “ECCs” trying to protect and control access so our citizens and those who supported us all these years, could get out. They had an impossible mission there – the sea of humanity fleeing such evil is too much. My god when I think of those men and women and children trying to get out, it makes me so sick at the evil in the world. These 13 were among those that escorted refugees onto C-17s, held babies, and cut up cardboard for children who stood shoeless on the hot ground. This evil that refugees and our citizens were fleeing, this evil that took the life of 13 more of our people, is the evil that motivated me to support the people around me in the only way I knew how, for all these years. Suddenly I question how I could leave, though it has been my goal for the last couple of years.

This is one of those times when nothing makes sense. The evil in the world is too much sometimes. It’s too much. I went to a Christian University. I took Bible classes. I grew up in church (we were there every time the doors were open practically). I know my Theology. I know Truth. I love Jesus. He’s my kind of radical. But, I don’t understand God in any way. I never will. I never will.

“I’ve never been more homesick than now.” So this evening, I will go seek solace in the vastness of the ocean and in listening to the constancy of the waves as they reach the shoreline – over and over again. The waves and the vastness of the Atlantic will remind me that I love (though I don’t understand) an unfathomable God.

The last couple of days have been an important reminder to not waste time or let stupid, meaningless shit get in the way of your relationships.

“Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12 (NLT)

One thought on “I’ve Never Been More Homesick Than Now

  1. “The last couple of days have been an important reminder to not waste time or let stupid, meaningless shit get in the way of your relationships.”

    “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12 (NLT)

    AMEN says your mother.

    Like

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