There’s a song I love – “I Was Born to Love You” by Ray LaMontagne. It runs through my mind constantly these days. I’ve sat down about fiddy billion times, to write something based on the song – but every time I do – life takes over and I lose my mojo.
There’s a lot going on at the moment. I haven’t written consistently in a couple weeks. It’s a huge bummer. I was writing a ton. There are things going on at my day job – throw in some stuff on my heart – and phew, after work, I just don’t have anything left. But this song – this song. I was born to love you – the lyrics play over & over again in my head – as I wonder when I’ll get unstuck from this place that costs me far too much.
The problem is, that when I set out to write or work toward other goals, reality steps in and I can’t quite get there. There’s a saying that goes something along the lines of create a life you don’t need a vacation from. While I don’t 100% agree with that statement, because life isn’t always gonna be walk in the park/vacay, there’s something to that idea. For years now, I’ve been trying to re-arrange my professional life in a way that makes room for what I’ve wanted most for my life. It seems that I can’t quite get there though. For me, creating this life is about making room for what matters most to me, what I feel most called to do, and somewhere in there – the family that has eluded me so far. It’s not that these things aren’t possible in my current career, they’re just constrained is all – especially now.
I read the following on Steven Furtick’s Facebook page – posted a short time ago, as I was writing this meandering & weird missive, “When you feel stuck, that means you’re on the verge of something significant. God has his hand on your life. Don’t stop now.” In this moment when I am feeling more stuck than ever before, when I’m tempted to think the struggle is a sign (that I should give up), I’m more certain than ever before, that I’m on the right track.
I was born to love you. I’m going to write it – as I wrote Wild Things, when the reminder of another favorite song seemed to fit my August of 2020, so well. It’s my little act of defiance and a reminder to myself of what I hope is waiting on the other side.