My heart is a liar. Sometimes. Sometimes she’s just a little confused. I run through every moment. I relive what has been said, what has been left unspoken, and the little things that mean more to me than they probably should. Someday, when I look back on this time in my life, I know it will be without you.
I woke today with a memory of us standing in a room – your eyes on me. The question you asked, the tone of your voice, the way you looked at me – and then your response – it all spun this comfortable little web of hopes around me. Spider webs are quite lovely when you take a good long look at them. They’re lacey art – spun & wound and when the dew and rain hit just right, they sparkle in the light. These shiny sparkling moments, especially in the early morning hours, eventually give way to reality once again.
As the day has worn on, the warm memory from this morning, is replaced – because my heart is a liar. I may be here because you opened the door, but I stayed because sometimes I don’t know what’s best for me. You aren’t mine to love. Where does waiting get me?
I will wake up five years from now – with you there & me here, wishing it was you with your arms around me.