In the midst of my joy, as I step closer to my calling, there is grief, co-mingled.
I think about what is not and what will not be, like naming a baby girl after both of my grandmothers. It’s a name I’ve “planned” for decades.
I think of those who are near to my heart who don’t seem to notice how momentous this moment is.
I think of my loss over ten years ago & wonder what she might have become. Hopefully, she would’ve been a firecracker like me – messy hair, thirst heart, and all. Somehow, I know she was a girl.
I am thankful. My heart is overflowing with joy. But in the quiet of this waiting time, there is grief too.
Tell me I’m not the only one. Foster care & adoption is not my second choice. It has always been my heart’s desire. But sometimes the grief sneaks up on you – like today – and you wish for what is not.
For those who struggle with this same grief, I’ll be whispering quiet prayers for you this week, as I pray for my own heart.